The saddest news.

I've just been speaking to Andrea and she has past on the saddest news. My girls are all good friends with a beautiful young Mum, Tuliane. 15 months ago she was in the last stages of her second pregnancy when she developed very debilitating head aches.
She was eventually taken to hospital by ambulance, the baby was taken by caesarean and she was diagnosed with a very in-currable brain tumour.
She has had chemo and radiation during the past 15 months. Sometimes the news was encouraging, sometimes not.
Last week she started loosing feeling on one side of her body, so she had lots more tests done. And..she has a second brain tumour. Also one that cannot be operated on because of where it is. Very deeply inbedded in her brain, as is the original tumour.
Tuliane has now basically lost all movement, and speech. The doctors have said it is only a matter of days, maybe a few weeks before she will be gone.
What a tradgedy. A young Mum with a little son and a 3 year old daughter being left behind.
She is such a beautiful girl. Could have been a model. Not that this is important, but it is such a waste.
The other thing is, is that she has an identical twin sister which is very, very hard for everyone, including her sister.

All this makes me feel strange. Here am I at 58yrs old and I have gone in to remission. With my on going treatment I have a 90% chance of the cancer not returning.
And I ask why? I know there is a God, directing the affairs of mankind. That we will never know the answers to everything while we are here on earth.
But it sure tests my faith a little bit sometimes when there doesn't seem to be a way of making sense of things.

Just forgetting a few things!

I havn't even mentioned Easter. We had our traditional family BBQ at Braeside Park, which includes an easter egg hunt, of course. This year was also grandaughter McKenzie's birthday. She turned 3 and that is hard to believe in and of itself.
The grandkids all had a great time, because everyone brought their bikes as well.
Sahn had a blast playing in some muddy water, Tambi organised the children to run races and as per usual we had way too much food.
What was really special though was a wonderful gesture of kindness and sharing that Carolina organised. There was an asian family sitting quite near us, and were playing close to where we hid the easter eggs for the children. When the children came charging over there and gathering up eggs in to their bags the asian children were just standing there watching. Of course, being children they would have felt a bit sad looking at what our kids were doing.
Once all the eggs had been found, Carolina had them each give up some of theirs, put them in a bag and the children took them to the asian children. These children were so happy and amazed at their good fortune.
Our children learned a great principle.....to share. And everyone of them were happy. In fact the older Asian boys came and played with some of our kids and that's how children can teach us so much.
McKenzie got a lovely baby doll for her birthday. This doll was wearing a cute little hat. When McKenzie took the hat off she proudly said "This baby looks like Grandma, she hasn't got any hair, and she wears a hat like Grandma too!."

The other thing I forgot was that my dear husband took me to Paperific on friday. He walked around with me, watching me spend money, and just taking care of me.
I met up with quite a few people I've known for years in the Scrapbooking industry, but havn't seen forever.
I loved browsing around the new papers and the huge range of clear stamps that are available now.
I was particularly looking for stamps suitable for card making and was lucky enough to find a few good bargains.
Just loving the new Basic Grey ranges as well........yep, I did buy a bit here and there.
We were only there an hour...which was plenty for me.........but it was sooooooo much fun!!!!!

A Pleasant Week

This past week has been really lovely. Although I still feel really tired most of the time, and still need a good rest every afternoon, I am at last able to begin doing some things.
I even shared in cleaning my house!!! Not the hard stuff though, just the dusting and cleaning up the kitchen.
A few weeks ago I got a new car!!!! Yep!!! We decided that having a 4 wheel drive that was extremelly thirsty is just plain ridiculous and so we have another Astra. This one is the new model in a dark grey colour. The thing with it is though, it's manual!!!! I'm getting used to it but it sure means that I have to really concentrate all the time which is quite a challenge for me at the best of times. It's a gorgeous car to drive though. Even better than our other 'older' Astra.\

Tomorrow I am hosting a lunch for my 'girls' (just happens it's school holidays so all the grandkids will be there too!!) to say a 'big' thank you for the amazing help they have given to me over the past six months. Not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. And the two little words 'thank you' seem very inadequate to convey my feelings and thoughts about these four wonderful women.
So, I've bought them each a gift, and made a card for each of them too. Mind you it has taken me all week to make them. I have a new 'must do' and that is any card I make I make two. One to give away and one for my stash!! That way I always have something on hand when I don't have time to make something.
I need to do a male birthday card for this week, and then I am going to get on with my journal of my cancer story. I really want to get that finished.
Then, I plan to start some scrapbooking again.
I have added pictures of the cards because that's my way of remembering designs that I might want to copy in the future.

A Big Decision

Today I joined the ranks of the unemployed/retired. By choice! I have been so unsure since my cancer battle, of what I am going to do in the future.
My employers have been absolutely amazing. I have received free treatment whenever I have wanted/needed it. They have supported me throughout the past six months in a way that I never expected. They have kept a position available for me even though I havn't actually worked since mid November.
And that's what has made me decide that in fairness to them, I cannot expect them to continue to do all that if I am unsure of actually returning to work at all.
So, today I spoke with one of my bosses, Vickie, and decided that I resign as of today. However, if in twelve months down the track I feel that I really would like a job then I will call them.

This has been a real relief to me, having made this decision. I don't feel that I want to put myself through the 'stress' that's involved with working anymore. I don't think it's good for me physically and that is a huge concern.

The past four or five years have been hectic and busy for me. I have worked hard at doing what I love.....scrapbooking, and then in my new job for a short while. But, that has all taken it's toll on me and after the journey of the past six months I know that I can't put myself back in to that kind of environment. Not for a long while.

My biggest focus has to be getting myself in to the best health that I can. Therefore tomorrow I have an appointment with a naturopath. I have been saving my last pay so I can afford what he recommends!!! I know they are expensive.
My next focus is spending unhurried time with my family. Over the past five I have always had to fit in some time whilst I was busy, and now I want to turn that around and be free to hang out.
I also want to spend more time with friends. I have renewed some 'old' friendships and I of course have great friends whom I have stayed in touch with regularly.These ladies are very special . They have supported and helped and loved me through this difficult time.

I think that I will find myself quite busy and occupied.
I have some ideas of making a few $'s in the future....if and when I am ready. However, that is far ahead of me as yet.

So, the big decision has been made and executed and I feel relief!!! And, I am broke!!!! No more little/medium/big purchases on the internet. Well...that is except my regular monthly dose of Scrapbook Trends. Just love that mag. And then there's the monthly Card book!!!! Uhmm.....will have to find some discipline.

I Made It!

I am now officially in REMISSION! I have now officially finished my treatment!!!
It was a really funny feeling turning up at Cabrini Brighton, knowing this would be my last treatment. The staff there have been and still are such amazing women. They are so friendly and such fun to be around and they said I was like a 'breath of fresh air' everytime I came for my treatments. I think that's mainly because I joked around and stirred them a little bit.
I was sitting there waiting and a young girl arrived with a huge arrangement of flowers. It turned out they were for me from all my friends at Church! Then it really hit me that this was my last one. I have MADE IT!
The last few weeks have been mentally difficult....but I got there!!!!!!
Every eight weeks for two years I have to back for a maintenance treatment of a drug called Mabthera. This drug is very new and very sucesfull in the treatment of Lymphoma and it will continue to protect me against any rogue cells.
For five years I will be tested etc., and if everything goes well.......I will then be considered cured.

I feel that I have run the hardest race of my life. I wasn't mentally, physically and emotionally prepared for it when I was pushed to the starting line. I thought at that time that I had already dealt with so much over the previous months that it was time for me to be dealt a good card.
That wasn't to be.
And.....I couldn't shun away from the starting line and say I wasn't going to do this. I have had to dig very deep inside myself and focus on what was ahead in this race and determine how I was going to run it. With fear or with faith.
I choose faith!!!!
Thankfully that was the best strategy I could ever have chosen because it sustained me throughout a cardiac arrest, a serious infection and the general all consumming affects of weekly chemotherapy.
And although it took me longer to run the race than planned, I was able to keep going and now I've done it !!!
Now, I can work on regaining my health and my stamina and at the same time continue to focus on the 'really important' things in my life and bring it all back into balance.
I know this is going to take a long time. But......'baby steps' are a good principle to use and I know that each day will bring something a little better.
I have been dealt a good card. I am in remission!
And.....I am sooooo thankful.

A Little bit of creating..

Last week, I was commisioned (not really, just requested), to make some baby cards for patients at my work. (Yes, I still have a job to go back to)

So, I was feeling fairly OK, and it took me all day to make these cards but, I just loved the whole process so much.

To be creating, and playing and working things out. Mind you, my hands shake and my brain is not functioning all that well, but gee I had fun!!!

Just wanted to post my cards!!!

One more to go!

Finally......I have had my last 'big chemo'. Not without a little bit of drama. The special picc line that was put into my arm through which I had all my treatments sprung a leak last week after the treatment. Well that's when it was noticed. This is a line that was in a major artery and meant that there wasn't a desperate search for good veins to administer the drugs every week.
Only two treatments to go. Can it be done without having to go to Malvern Cabrini and having another picc line inserted? After the Oncology nurses consulted my doctor they decided I needed to come in to Brighton and soak in hot water for a about 20mts. Well, not the whole of me, just my arms. And....the decision was they were sort of comfortable that I had one good vein to take the last big chemo.
Fortunately it all went well.......and I had the big one last week. Stayed overnight, hopefully for the last time.
Now, feeling yuckie and exhausted I am mentally impatient. One more of the lesser treatments and then I will finally be finished.
How amazing is that? Next week.......in 5 days.....I will have my final treatment.
Well, sort of. Because I have to go back and have that particular treatment once every eight weeks for two years. But.....this one is not severe and won't make me feel as sick as I do now.
Once my body starts to recover and I get stronger, this treatment will not have any where near as much impact as it does at the moment.
My hair will start to grow back....one day. Wonder what it will look like? I know it's going to be white.......I can see that in what is poking out at the moment. So, I'm going to stay that colour and eventually have some foils or something put in. But...because I won't be allowed to use any chemicals on it for a while I am just going to have to happy to have hair....no matter what colour!!!!
So, right now, all I can think of is the future. And my head buzzes with things.........Things that I value so much now, things that I want to do, things that I want to see...lots and lots of things.
How blessed I am that I can look forward with hope and happiness.
I have met a lot of special people in the Oncology Ward. I have shared rooms with the bravest and most positive people. I have been touched by their stories and have been comforted by their strengths.