Three more Christmas Angels.......well it's hard to see if the third one is an angel. Grandchildren India by the tree, Isaac totally uninterested on the couch and curly top Mckenzie. These beautiful little ones came with their mum Tambi to visit today. They brought lunch and dinner for tonight. Thank you heaps!!!

Had my third round of Chemo yesterday and overnight....feel like a Zombie today....but a bit wired because of the steroids kicking in. I'm just hoping I don't get sick like last week.

In the shower today I lost about a baseball size wad of hair. Yucky! Tomorrow is looking good for the big shave. And...I think I'm OK about it.

Thank you Dawn for your encouragement and ideas all the time. I have found the oral drops from the Chemist you recommended are great...didn't bother getting the script from the Doctor filled at the Chemist.

It's getting closer and closer to Christmas Day......I think I'm more focused and into it this year than for ages.

Colin is hope until the 14th of january. He is just great. Helps with everything and anything and has been the best!!!!

Received Robyn B's 3rd card this week.....a Christmas Card of course!!! Thank you dear friend!

Time to try and eat a bit.

The Magic of Christmas

Just getting into the spirit of Christmas. It's such a magical time of the year. This week a few of the ten little grandchildren have been for a visit. Riley, Joshua and Harrison and Blakey and Sahn.
Of course they love all things Christmas so getting out the camera was no problem.
I love the cheeky look on Sahns face as she's attempting to denude the Christmas tree and gather herself some ornaments.
Christmas is a magic time. No matter what else is going on. It's a time to reflect on the reason for Christmas. Why we celebrate this very special occasion of the birth of The Saviour.
I love hearing the children talking about this and the respect and reverence they have.
Of course.......the presents kick in pretty quick too!!!!

Hair

What have I been up to this week? It seems like the days are just flying by. Which is good news at the moment.
Andrea came over with Blake and Sahn, to clean the house for me and then we went to do a bit of shopping for things for Christmas day.
I actually ventured out on my own as well. I had to go to Medicare...so many bills to get some money back from. So, I decided to drive to Southland way before anything opens so that a) I could get a car park and b)so that I could get into Medicare without having to wait in a huge line because I would probably pass out. 8:15am there I was.....a close car park spot and 45mts to use up. Well BigW was open.....so I bought some things there. then positioned myself on a bench outside Medicare and waited.........I was the 2nd one in there and on the way home by ten past nine.
When I came home a friend called around, and said she'd just popped in to do my ironing for me. How sweet. We chatted for a while and then she was gone. Thank you Noelene
Tonight another friend popped in with a meal for us. I have frozen it because we were OK for tonight....but it will come in handy later on. Thank you Cindy
Had a doctors visit, and then popped in to work. I won't be able to make the Christmas breakup on Friday so I left my Kris Kringle pressie there and some choccies for everyone. It was great, because Vickie had made a point of coming in to say Hi.....and she was just so great and encouraging.
Talked to me heaps about how I'm feeling about loosing my hair etc. It was good to look at that for a bit....not for too long...kinda got my head in the sand over that one.
THEN......this morning I wake up early. Sara and Monty are sleeping over as usual. I'm standing in the bathroom at 5am running my fingers through my hair and watching the pile of hair get thicker and thicker in the basin. Sara realised what was happening and jumped out of bed and hugged me.....we both just looked at the mess and laughed.
However, it's been a strange day with this happening. Something I can't now ignore.
So.....because I have such a great bunch of kids and grandkids we have planned a Haircutting Ceremony for Saturday.
My hair is going to shaved off. Martin's hair is going to be shaved off. Isaac's hair is going to be shaved off. Monty's hair is going to be shaved off. Orson's hair is going to be shaved off.
All in support of me! It's going to be a scrapbooking moment (when I get ready to revisit it one day down the future) with lots of photos.
I have a wig, I have caps, I have scarves I have hats.........I just won't have hair!
Tomorrow I am back in hospital.......3rd round of Chemo and an overnight stay at Cabrini Brighton.
I have felt good today.....energetic....getting things done. Tomorrow I have the full round of drugs so it will knock me out again. But..it's something I have to do with a positive attitude.
Better go and practise some interesting scarf tying.

Stuck in the BP Service Station!

I had my second round of treatment on Friday.......felt exhausted again when I got home. Which was pretty late actually. My treatment started at 10:30 and I didn't get home till 5pm so it was a long day.
It was good that last Wednesday I had a pickline put in my arm. No more looking for veins to give my treatment through. Just straight into the line that's permanently in my arm.
Didn't feel too bad Saturday, but then this morning......wow!!! Colin and I had to go out briefly and I needed to stop........! The nearest place was a BP Service station. I went in, asked for the key to the toilets....and half an hour later I was still there. I was soooo sick!!!! It was horrible! I thought I was going to have to crawl out to the car. Poor Colin didn't have a clue why I was taking so long.
That's the worst I've felt so far.
Now for the good things......my hair is still there. Although it has stopped growing. I don't have any re-growth coming through!
I have lost nearly 8kgs in weight since the whole hospital thing started early November. Don't recomment this as a good weight loss programm though!
Had a lovely email from our Church Womens Auxilliary (Relief Society) to say that once a week for the length of my treatment one of our dear members will drop off a meal to help out.
So, between family and friends I am getting so much support and help. I feel truelly blessed.
Had some lovely cards from friends during the week. Thank you Claire, Sue & Peter and Maureen and Derek.
Tonight we had a family dessert night.
Blakey is going to Tasmania on Tuesday and won't be with us for Christmas....so he got his presents from the family tonight.
I just love seeing all the family together, and all the joviality and fun that comes with it. It's the best medicine!!!
The older ones are asking me when my hair is coming out. They tell me that I will be getting nothing but wigs for Christmas!!!! Nothing like the children to keep things normal.

One week down......!

A big big congratulations to Hayley........a new baby boy!!!! A little brother for Sebastian.....Zachary.
Grandmother Robyn was very excited last night!!!
I also want to thank Robyn for your sweet cards. Sending one each week to help me count down the 12 weeks is such a beautiful gesture. And I love the sentiments you put in as well. You are a great friend!
It's been a real learning curve with my first week nearly done.
Learning what all the 'home medications' are for. Which ones make me feel OK, and which ones don't.
How to use my days well and still be kind to myself.
Driving is a real problem. My brain is so foggy.......! And as for shopping, well forget it! I went to Parkmore with Andrea on Monday and ended up giving her my shopping list and just following behind. She was even worried she might loose me and have to send out SOS signals!!!
A big thank you to my girls for helping me.......I hope that they continue their enthusiasm for next 11 weeks.
Andrea has driven me all over the place for appointments. Dragging little Sahnie around who has been getting grumpier by the day. Can't blame her!!!
Tambi making a meal that lasts for two nights.....and visiting with India and McKenzie.
Sara for sleeping over two nights and bringing Monty (although this is a normal routine, it just means more) and chatting and laughing. Especially when I'm wandering around the house at 5am eating a banana!!! Well, I was hungry!
Carolina for your encouraging phone calls and listening ears when I was feeling a bit emotional.
My boys too, of course. Daniel calling at 10pm to ask me how I'm feeling!!!
Martin is in Brisbane this week for a big Motorola presentation he has to do, so havn't heard too much.
And....Colin. He has been a real strength and encouragement. I think it's only just hitting him what this is all about so it's been hard for him too.
I'm feeling a bit churpy because it's the end of the chemo week, and the effects of the drugs are much less. Then comes tomorrow and I'll be trying to deal with the chemical blast again!!!
I've finished all Christmas projects.......so now I'll be able to seriously work on my journal and anything else I feel like doing.
And....this is a ridiculous time in the morning to be writing on my blog.....so I'm going back to bed!!!

Yuck and Awful

The whole chemo thing is very overwhelming. 24hrs in the hospital and a continual stream of drugs going into my body.

• Then there's the extra tablets that you have to take
• And the box full of different stuff to take home to take untill next week
• The injection in my tummy just before going home.

The staff are amazing and the other patients are all sweet and perpy and lovely. I was just overwhelmed. By the second day I slept through most of my session.

Coming home.....well it's good!! I feel yuck although you get so much stuff now to stop you throwing up which is good. I feel very tired, all the time.

So, I push myself through that a bit. Had a 30mt walk this morning, did some ironing and a bit of tidying up. Then a rest.....then a bit of work on some Christmas projects and now I've had it again.

Had fun with my wig yesterday. I arrived on Friday and there was no way I was going to open it. Of course when Sara came around with Monty she wasn't going to waste any time and before long Monty was modelling it, then Sara and then it was my turn. That wasn't quite as much fun.

But....I think we made a good choice. If not, bad luck because that's what I'll be wearing. Although I'm liking the idea of scarves more I think.

Well, that's my post for now.

And It Starts.................

Had an interesting day today. My GP has the report from my PET Scan and rang and asked me if a colonoscopy has been arranged.'No.' was my reply. 'Why?' was my question.
Well in my large bowel is a growth about 2cm it may be innocent, but it may not be and needs to be investigated straight away.
'I'm starting Chemo tomorrow won't that kill of anything there as well?'
No.......that would need surgery and ray treatment.
'Go away!' was my reply.
So, now he's emailing my Oncologist to find out what is happening in regards to this.
Honestly..........I feel like I'm punch drunk.
Went to Cabrini Brighton Oncology for an information interview with the head oncology nurse. She is so lovely. Didn't like all the stuff she told me. Like, arrange a wig immediately!!! You're going to be on steroids as well as about 50 other drugs. I don't want to put on weight....I want to loose weight. Not just hair!!!
It is all very overwhelming. Also I have the worst veins and will have to go to Cabrini Malvern next week to have a permanent port put in. They'll manage for tomorrow (yikes...is it really starting tomorrow??) but definetly will have trouble after one week.
Have all this stuff to read about the side effects and the things to ring the doctor about in the middle of the night, if they happen.
I don't think I'll get to sleep if I start reading all of that.
Came home to a huge bunch of flowers from two lovely young mums (sisters, Elizabeth and Amy) and a phone message from a florist to say she has to deliver flowers and it will be after 7pm.
I am so looked after by friends and family.
Thank you too Jane and Claire for your encouraging messages. It sure helps a lot and I appreciate it very much.
Time to sign off..........You'd think nothing else was happening in my life at the moment wouldn't you? Like my two daughters fighting over who is going to take me to the hospital tomorrow. Hey girls, there's going to be 12 weeks of this! And daughter Andrea coming over unexpected and cleaning my whole house. What darlings I have raised.

Moving Goalposts

The goalposts have moved, again. Everytime I see a Doctor I get new news. And....it's never an improvement on the first lot.
Today I had my appointment with my Oncologist. He had the results of my bone marrow biopsy and PET Scan.
Fortunately there is no cancer in my bone marrow. Which is the biggest relief, because the prognosis for that would not be good.
However, in my lymphatic system it is not confined to just my neck. I have the cancer in three different groups of lymph nodes.
I was again just blown away by this news. I have had the hardest time over the past 4 and a half weeks. With the unexpected cancer diagnosis, with the anaphylaxis shock, and now the cancer being worse than first thought. It's not easy dealing with all this. And the waiting. Since September I have been on a treadmill of good news and bad news and tests and more tests. It's exhausting.
Well, the fact that this is now Stage 3 cancer means the treatment is going to be tough. I start this week. Will be kept in hospital overnight just to see how I cope. I will be given a cocktail of about 5 drugs.
That's going to be my life for the next 12 weeks at least. I will be loosing my hair which I can't come to terms with yet. In fact I'm really trying not to think about that at the moment.
So, Christmas is going to be tough this year. I won't have the energy to be the star of the party. I will have to leave that up to all the little people.
I have had this cancer for 2 years. Two years ago I was in hospital with pneumonia and it's quite possible that it was from that virus, the cancer started.
It explains so much. The fatigue and tiredness that I struggled with and pushed through over that time. I never felt that I really recovered properly and would easily succomb to colds and flu bugs around.
Why it was hard for me at work and coping with a lot of things that happened to our family this year.
It all makes so much sense.
My job is still going to be there for me when I finish treatment, when I'm ready to take on a bit of work. I don't think I will work as much as I was, and maybe not at all. But it's so nice that I am appreciated for the work I have done there, and for how quickly I learned 'the ropes' in my new job.
I told Monty tonight that I need to get some medicine to take the lump away in my neck. That this medicine is going to mean that my hair will fall out and I will go bald. Well, the expression on his face was priceless and then he cracked up laughing. I've never seen a bald grandmother before!!!
The little grandchildren are going to be such a help for me. Things will stay in perspective and life will certainly have lots of funny moments.
Now, do I buy a wig? Is it going to be too hot to wear one anyway? Do I enjoy wearing pretty scarves? Maybe my sister can make me some cute hats to wear.
Never thought I would have to make decisions like this.
It's been another big day and I need to sleep.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz