Moving Goalposts

The goalposts have moved, again. Everytime I see a Doctor I get new news. And....it's never an improvement on the first lot.
Today I had my appointment with my Oncologist. He had the results of my bone marrow biopsy and PET Scan.
Fortunately there is no cancer in my bone marrow. Which is the biggest relief, because the prognosis for that would not be good.
However, in my lymphatic system it is not confined to just my neck. I have the cancer in three different groups of lymph nodes.
I was again just blown away by this news. I have had the hardest time over the past 4 and a half weeks. With the unexpected cancer diagnosis, with the anaphylaxis shock, and now the cancer being worse than first thought. It's not easy dealing with all this. And the waiting. Since September I have been on a treadmill of good news and bad news and tests and more tests. It's exhausting.
Well, the fact that this is now Stage 3 cancer means the treatment is going to be tough. I start this week. Will be kept in hospital overnight just to see how I cope. I will be given a cocktail of about 5 drugs.
That's going to be my life for the next 12 weeks at least. I will be loosing my hair which I can't come to terms with yet. In fact I'm really trying not to think about that at the moment.
So, Christmas is going to be tough this year. I won't have the energy to be the star of the party. I will have to leave that up to all the little people.
I have had this cancer for 2 years. Two years ago I was in hospital with pneumonia and it's quite possible that it was from that virus, the cancer started.
It explains so much. The fatigue and tiredness that I struggled with and pushed through over that time. I never felt that I really recovered properly and would easily succomb to colds and flu bugs around.
Why it was hard for me at work and coping with a lot of things that happened to our family this year.
It all makes so much sense.
My job is still going to be there for me when I finish treatment, when I'm ready to take on a bit of work. I don't think I will work as much as I was, and maybe not at all. But it's so nice that I am appreciated for the work I have done there, and for how quickly I learned 'the ropes' in my new job.
I told Monty tonight that I need to get some medicine to take the lump away in my neck. That this medicine is going to mean that my hair will fall out and I will go bald. Well, the expression on his face was priceless and then he cracked up laughing. I've never seen a bald grandmother before!!!
The little grandchildren are going to be such a help for me. Things will stay in perspective and life will certainly have lots of funny moments.
Now, do I buy a wig? Is it going to be too hot to wear one anyway? Do I enjoy wearing pretty scarves? Maybe my sister can make me some cute hats to wear.
Never thought I would have to make decisions like this.
It's been another big day and I need to sleep.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz