I just love Pt.Leo. The beaches are so wide and clean. The tide is very strong though and not for the novice swimmers on this side.
You can see Phillip Island in the background. It's great looking at the rock pools, moving little rocks to see what living creatures are underneath. I took some photos, and you wouldn't know that the image was through water, it was just so crystal clear.

I am sitting at my 'puter' waiting for a very special friend of mine, Jean, to come and pick me up so we can go out for lunch. Of course one thing I always do when I am just waiting is start surfing on the computer. Usually scrapbook sites!!!!!

And I have also been reflecting on the past week and realise that I am doing really good.

During last week I had some struggles with myself. I wasn't feeling particularly content and happy but couldn't work out why or what wasn't right.

Over the past six months I have been so unwell and exhausted from all the medical tests and treatment that I was reasonably content to be a blob on a log!!!!

Now that most of that is behind me I have this mental 'thing' that life should be bouncing and that I should be bouncing along with it. Which isn't happening. Understandably so, considering it's only been 4 weeks since my last chemo and 3 weeks since my last actual treatment. And even though I am feeling better, I have no where near the energy I am expecting of myself.

Also......I now have a whole new future ahead. No work!!!! Which is great, but also brings it's own challenges.

I am so used to a schedule, routine. So all the housework or other things that needed doing I would just get in there and do because there was never time to muck around about deciding when to do them. Now I have had 6 months of everyone else doing the work, and the cooking and I am slowly taking back the reigns. But, I am not motivated at all and reluctantly do what I have to. I guess that's partly normal. Reluctance to do housework!!!!!!

Anyhow I understand now why last week I was having a frustrating week, and I figured that I now need to start to Balance my life better.

I need to identify the important things I want to invest time in and start to do that. Even if it's only a small amount of time at the moment. I can build up later.

Last weekend Colin and I had to go to the Royal Melbourne Hospital. I had to have a blood test there. The first stage of my drug allergy testing. Colin said he'd take me cuz he knows the back way to get there.

Well, we ended up going via Port Melbourne and Footscray!!!!! Men!!!!!!! Just for a 20mt visit into the hospital! And he had the nerve to get annoyed that I hadn't checked out where the parking is!!!

Saturday we went to the Movies. We have quite a few tickets that have been given to us as gifts, but because I wasn't well enough we didn't get to go. We went to see the Spiderwick Chronicles. A lovely, fun movie. And it was great to get out. And.....to eat popcorn!!!!! It tasted good!

Sunday I went to Church in the morning. In the afternoon Colin (who wants any excuse to drive my 'manual' car) decided to take a drive to Pt.leo.

I love Pt.Leo. My parents used to take us there all the time and we did likewise with out children. On the way home we would stop at an apple orchard and buy boxes of freshly picked apples. We would munch on them all the way home.

It was just so lovely strolling along the wide open beach there. The tide was going out, there was a bit of wind and on the Surf side there were quite a lot of big waves still.

How refreshing to walk in the crisp clean air and listen to the waves crashing on the rocks.

It seems like forever since I have been 'out' somewhere that isn't to do with hospitals and medical appointments.

And...I even took my camera so there are some photos as evidence!!!

Yesterday was back to medical appointments. Had to see Nick Houseman, the surgeon who is looking after me for the abscess I had on my neck. He still wants to take the shell of it out, to prevent any future problems. So, that's happening in two weeks. Just with a local aneasthetic though.

And today I had to have another blood test, and thursday a check-up with Gary Richardson my Oncologist.

These medical appointments don't stay away for too long!!!

I've been a bit 'naughty' buying some 'stuff' on the Internet. I've visited Blue Bazaar and The Scrap Heap. I've subscribed to Paper Trends Cards magazine for six months. And I've purchased two older issues and the latest issue of same magazine.

I've got the new Scenic Route paper coming.......and bought bits and pieces of the new Basic Grey ranges.

Even though I have a million $'s worth of paper and things here already.

It's so much fun expecting parcels!!!! Although a bricks and mortar shop is so much better. Hmm......must go and visit one of those too. But, which one???

I'm also feeling like doing a class here and there so will have to find out who is teaching what, when.

Time to get some dinner ready........!!! Although I don't feel like eating because my friend Jean and I have been to lunch now (yes this blog has been done in two sittings, obviously!).

The saddest news.

I've just been speaking to Andrea and she has past on the saddest news. My girls are all good friends with a beautiful young Mum, Tuliane. 15 months ago she was in the last stages of her second pregnancy when she developed very debilitating head aches.
She was eventually taken to hospital by ambulance, the baby was taken by caesarean and she was diagnosed with a very in-currable brain tumour.
She has had chemo and radiation during the past 15 months. Sometimes the news was encouraging, sometimes not.
Last week she started loosing feeling on one side of her body, so she had lots more tests done. And..she has a second brain tumour. Also one that cannot be operated on because of where it is. Very deeply inbedded in her brain, as is the original tumour.
Tuliane has now basically lost all movement, and speech. The doctors have said it is only a matter of days, maybe a few weeks before she will be gone.
What a tradgedy. A young Mum with a little son and a 3 year old daughter being left behind.
She is such a beautiful girl. Could have been a model. Not that this is important, but it is such a waste.
The other thing is, is that she has an identical twin sister which is very, very hard for everyone, including her sister.

All this makes me feel strange. Here am I at 58yrs old and I have gone in to remission. With my on going treatment I have a 90% chance of the cancer not returning.
And I ask why? I know there is a God, directing the affairs of mankind. That we will never know the answers to everything while we are here on earth.
But it sure tests my faith a little bit sometimes when there doesn't seem to be a way of making sense of things.

Just forgetting a few things!

I havn't even mentioned Easter. We had our traditional family BBQ at Braeside Park, which includes an easter egg hunt, of course. This year was also grandaughter McKenzie's birthday. She turned 3 and that is hard to believe in and of itself.
The grandkids all had a great time, because everyone brought their bikes as well.
Sahn had a blast playing in some muddy water, Tambi organised the children to run races and as per usual we had way too much food.
What was really special though was a wonderful gesture of kindness and sharing that Carolina organised. There was an asian family sitting quite near us, and were playing close to where we hid the easter eggs for the children. When the children came charging over there and gathering up eggs in to their bags the asian children were just standing there watching. Of course, being children they would have felt a bit sad looking at what our kids were doing.
Once all the eggs had been found, Carolina had them each give up some of theirs, put them in a bag and the children took them to the asian children. These children were so happy and amazed at their good fortune.
Our children learned a great principle.....to share. And everyone of them were happy. In fact the older Asian boys came and played with some of our kids and that's how children can teach us so much.
McKenzie got a lovely baby doll for her birthday. This doll was wearing a cute little hat. When McKenzie took the hat off she proudly said "This baby looks like Grandma, she hasn't got any hair, and she wears a hat like Grandma too!."

The other thing I forgot was that my dear husband took me to Paperific on friday. He walked around with me, watching me spend money, and just taking care of me.
I met up with quite a few people I've known for years in the Scrapbooking industry, but havn't seen forever.
I loved browsing around the new papers and the huge range of clear stamps that are available now.
I was particularly looking for stamps suitable for card making and was lucky enough to find a few good bargains.
Just loving the new Basic Grey ranges as well........yep, I did buy a bit here and there.
We were only there an hour...which was plenty for me.........but it was sooooooo much fun!!!!!

A Pleasant Week

This past week has been really lovely. Although I still feel really tired most of the time, and still need a good rest every afternoon, I am at last able to begin doing some things.
I even shared in cleaning my house!!! Not the hard stuff though, just the dusting and cleaning up the kitchen.
A few weeks ago I got a new car!!!! Yep!!! We decided that having a 4 wheel drive that was extremelly thirsty is just plain ridiculous and so we have another Astra. This one is the new model in a dark grey colour. The thing with it is though, it's manual!!!! I'm getting used to it but it sure means that I have to really concentrate all the time which is quite a challenge for me at the best of times. It's a gorgeous car to drive though. Even better than our other 'older' Astra.\

Tomorrow I am hosting a lunch for my 'girls' (just happens it's school holidays so all the grandkids will be there too!!) to say a 'big' thank you for the amazing help they have given to me over the past six months. Not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. And the two little words 'thank you' seem very inadequate to convey my feelings and thoughts about these four wonderful women.
So, I've bought them each a gift, and made a card for each of them too. Mind you it has taken me all week to make them. I have a new 'must do' and that is any card I make I make two. One to give away and one for my stash!! That way I always have something on hand when I don't have time to make something.
I need to do a male birthday card for this week, and then I am going to get on with my journal of my cancer story. I really want to get that finished.
Then, I plan to start some scrapbooking again.
I have added pictures of the cards because that's my way of remembering designs that I might want to copy in the future.

A Big Decision

Today I joined the ranks of the unemployed/retired. By choice! I have been so unsure since my cancer battle, of what I am going to do in the future.
My employers have been absolutely amazing. I have received free treatment whenever I have wanted/needed it. They have supported me throughout the past six months in a way that I never expected. They have kept a position available for me even though I havn't actually worked since mid November.
And that's what has made me decide that in fairness to them, I cannot expect them to continue to do all that if I am unsure of actually returning to work at all.
So, today I spoke with one of my bosses, Vickie, and decided that I resign as of today. However, if in twelve months down the track I feel that I really would like a job then I will call them.

This has been a real relief to me, having made this decision. I don't feel that I want to put myself through the 'stress' that's involved with working anymore. I don't think it's good for me physically and that is a huge concern.

The past four or five years have been hectic and busy for me. I have worked hard at doing what I love.....scrapbooking, and then in my new job for a short while. But, that has all taken it's toll on me and after the journey of the past six months I know that I can't put myself back in to that kind of environment. Not for a long while.

My biggest focus has to be getting myself in to the best health that I can. Therefore tomorrow I have an appointment with a naturopath. I have been saving my last pay so I can afford what he recommends!!! I know they are expensive.
My next focus is spending unhurried time with my family. Over the past five I have always had to fit in some time whilst I was busy, and now I want to turn that around and be free to hang out.
I also want to spend more time with friends. I have renewed some 'old' friendships and I of course have great friends whom I have stayed in touch with regularly.These ladies are very special . They have supported and helped and loved me through this difficult time.

I think that I will find myself quite busy and occupied.
I have some ideas of making a few $'s in the future....if and when I am ready. However, that is far ahead of me as yet.

So, the big decision has been made and executed and I feel relief!!! And, I am broke!!!! No more little/medium/big purchases on the internet. Well...that is except my regular monthly dose of Scrapbook Trends. Just love that mag. And then there's the monthly Card book!!!! Uhmm.....will have to find some discipline.

I Made It!

I am now officially in REMISSION! I have now officially finished my treatment!!!
It was a really funny feeling turning up at Cabrini Brighton, knowing this would be my last treatment. The staff there have been and still are such amazing women. They are so friendly and such fun to be around and they said I was like a 'breath of fresh air' everytime I came for my treatments. I think that's mainly because I joked around and stirred them a little bit.
I was sitting there waiting and a young girl arrived with a huge arrangement of flowers. It turned out they were for me from all my friends at Church! Then it really hit me that this was my last one. I have MADE IT!
The last few weeks have been mentally difficult....but I got there!!!!!!
Every eight weeks for two years I have to back for a maintenance treatment of a drug called Mabthera. This drug is very new and very sucesfull in the treatment of Lymphoma and it will continue to protect me against any rogue cells.
For five years I will be tested etc., and if everything goes well.......I will then be considered cured.

I feel that I have run the hardest race of my life. I wasn't mentally, physically and emotionally prepared for it when I was pushed to the starting line. I thought at that time that I had already dealt with so much over the previous months that it was time for me to be dealt a good card.
That wasn't to be.
And.....I couldn't shun away from the starting line and say I wasn't going to do this. I have had to dig very deep inside myself and focus on what was ahead in this race and determine how I was going to run it. With fear or with faith.
I choose faith!!!!
Thankfully that was the best strategy I could ever have chosen because it sustained me throughout a cardiac arrest, a serious infection and the general all consumming affects of weekly chemotherapy.
And although it took me longer to run the race than planned, I was able to keep going and now I've done it !!!
Now, I can work on regaining my health and my stamina and at the same time continue to focus on the 'really important' things in my life and bring it all back into balance.
I know this is going to take a long time. But......'baby steps' are a good principle to use and I know that each day will bring something a little better.
I have been dealt a good card. I am in remission!
And.....I am sooooo thankful.

A Little bit of creating..

Last week, I was commisioned (not really, just requested), to make some baby cards for patients at my work. (Yes, I still have a job to go back to)

So, I was feeling fairly OK, and it took me all day to make these cards but, I just loved the whole process so much.

To be creating, and playing and working things out. Mind you, my hands shake and my brain is not functioning all that well, but gee I had fun!!!

Just wanted to post my cards!!!

One more to go!

Finally......I have had my last 'big chemo'. Not without a little bit of drama. The special picc line that was put into my arm through which I had all my treatments sprung a leak last week after the treatment. Well that's when it was noticed. This is a line that was in a major artery and meant that there wasn't a desperate search for good veins to administer the drugs every week.
Only two treatments to go. Can it be done without having to go to Malvern Cabrini and having another picc line inserted? After the Oncology nurses consulted my doctor they decided I needed to come in to Brighton and soak in hot water for a about 20mts. Well, not the whole of me, just my arms. And....the decision was they were sort of comfortable that I had one good vein to take the last big chemo.
Fortunately it all went well.......and I had the big one last week. Stayed overnight, hopefully for the last time.
Now, feeling yuckie and exhausted I am mentally impatient. One more of the lesser treatments and then I will finally be finished.
How amazing is that? Next week.......in 5 days.....I will have my final treatment.
Well, sort of. Because I have to go back and have that particular treatment once every eight weeks for two years. But.....this one is not severe and won't make me feel as sick as I do now.
Once my body starts to recover and I get stronger, this treatment will not have any where near as much impact as it does at the moment.
My hair will start to grow back....one day. Wonder what it will look like? I know it's going to be white.......I can see that in what is poking out at the moment. So, I'm going to stay that colour and eventually have some foils or something put in. But...because I won't be allowed to use any chemicals on it for a while I am just going to have to happy to have hair....no matter what colour!!!!
So, right now, all I can think of is the future. And my head buzzes with things.........Things that I value so much now, things that I want to do, things that I want to see...lots and lots of things.
How blessed I am that I can look forward with hope and happiness.
I have met a lot of special people in the Oncology Ward. I have shared rooms with the bravest and most positive people. I have been touched by their stories and have been comforted by their strengths.

"Thank You"

A big 'thank you' to my friends who have left such great comments on my blog, after reading my 'happy news'!!!
It is the best times and a bit of the worst time because of still having chemo and feeling revoltingly yuck, and not enjoying anything I eat. But.....to see my family so relieved and to be able to talk to my 5yr old grandaughter India, and explain that my hair will grow back in a little while makes it all so positive and great.
Although......after all this I have been so proud that I have kept my eyebrows and now all of a sudden they have started coming out....and by the end of the week will probably be gone!! What's the deal with that??? I will be left with these two pale streaks of skin above my eyes!!
And they were still quite dark and I bet they grow back white or grey.
I look out the window and plan what I am going to do when I get to feeling better......there is no hesitation now and that is such a blessing.
I am looking forward to feeling like scrapbooking, shopping (without exhaustion after 5mts), taking photos again, visiting friends, helping others, going to Church and even a little bit (note the little bit!) of babysitting. Going for walks with Colin, and to the movies.
In fact we have some gold class and some ordinary tickets to use up. Hope there's some good movies coming out in a couple of months time.

Through the bathroom door!

Today I am feeling the usual yuck and tiredness from a big chemo session and overnight stay at the hospital.
However, I am also feeling very blessed, very grateful and very happy.....because........my dear oncologist, Gary Richardson, came to see me yesterday morning and reported on my test results. Everything is clear!!!!! The cancer is gone!!!!!! No tumours!!!!!!
I wanted to give him a big hug, but that was difficult because I was actually just gotten out of the shower (I was at the hospital) and so this wonderful news came to me through the bathroom door!!! How ordinary is that???
I know that this result has come through the love, support and strength that I have received from a Heavenly Father who loves me, a family who love me, friends who love me and all the wonderful medical help I have received.
My heart is full, and even though I still need to finish another three weeks of chemo I know it has done what it needed to and the light at the end of the tunnel is shining very, very bright.
I cry at anything and everything at the moment.....good things, happy things, basically anything.
Sometimes I feel that this whole journey is happening to someone else.....except that I feel the yuckiness of it all. And I just plod through each day and cope with whatever comes my way. I think when the journey reaches it's end I will then fully comprehend what I have been dealing with.
That's why it's good that I have been recording so much for my journal. I will be able to reflect on where I have been, how I've coped and gotten through.
So, now that I am back in to the full chemo thing I won't be 'doing' much.
I have watched 10 episodes of the current Greys Anatomy. Currently on to Brothers and Sisters and then I might even get interested in Desperate Housewives.
I feel excited that 2008 is going to be a bright year. Full of getting my life back in to balance and my health into balance as well.

Medically Speaking.....

My darling daughter Andrea has a challenge on her hands. Being a single Mum with three gorgeous children...she has just had confirmed that our beautiful little grandaughter Sahn has autism. She falls within the ranges of autism, however, if she can be taught to speak within the next 6 months she may just slip through that window of opportunity. The only word she says regularly is 'ta!'. When she gives you something, or wants something. She has just started at the early childhood intervention at Yooralla, once a week, and they have a speech therapist there. Hopefully and with much prayer our beautiful little girl can learn to speak.
Of course that is not the only behaviour etc., that puts her in the autism classification. She has other difficulties as well, but they are not too bad and again hopefully with help be modified.
It's all been overwhelming for poor Andrea and she needs lots of our support and help.
One of the main reasons I am doing serious thinking about returning to work, or not. Apart from my own health of course.

This week has been a medical week! Every day I have had to do something with Doctors. Monday needed to see my GP. Nice to catch up with him and have a little chat about some things that I was still concerned about to do with his handling of my situation way back in October. We had a good chat and I feel confident now that he did what he thought was the best.
Tuesday was my PET Scan at Monash Moorabbin. I was there for four hours. It was 7pm when I got home absolutely exhausted.
Wednesday was a blood test at Cabrini Brighton, a Chiro treatment at my work (yes...they are still holding a position for me if/when I am ready!! And I still get free treatment!!), then a CT Scan back at Moorabbin Monash. Not much time to sit and do nothing, like have a rest!!!
Today....it's back to Cabrini Brighton for one of the 'big' chemo treatments and overnight stay.
I am so over hospitals, doctors, tests, needles and anything else to do with 'medical'.
Yes, I am nervous what the results of my scans will be. Even though the tumour in my neck is basically gone I have no idea what's happening internally.
I am also still concerned about the 'something' that was in my large bowel and was seen with my first tests....recommending a colonoscopy.
I am not sure if I will get any results when i see Gary Richardson today...or if that's too soon and I have to wait until next week.
Again, this week I've had some lovely cards......from Robyn of course (no.12) and Jenny my very very good friend who now lives in Tasmania. We used to play basketball together at Albert Park and knew eachother through Church as well. She used to live in White Street but when her husband Malcolm retired he wanted to live somewhere where he could go birdwatching. So they packed up and moved to Tassie.
Jenny has always been such an inspiration to me. She is a wonderful seamstress. She can see any design and make the pattern, cut the fabric and sew the garment(s). She has made some absolutely wonderful clothes and used to be in the highest demand for wedding dresses. She's always encouraged the 'creative' side in me. I love writing to her. She doesn't 'do' emails....so it's snail mail and you know, it's fun getting letters in the mail.
Also had a sweet letter from Nayla...just to say she misses me. She is my children's age, with three lively boys of her own. Nice that I am missed around the place!!!

I have had a 'busy' week so far. I am supposed to be uncomplicating my life, but it seems there is always something that needs to be done or visitors.
I went to Southland with Andrea, Sahn and Orson to buy a present for my sisters birthday so I could post it in time to arrive tomorrow. Had fun, and spent way too much money on other things besides. I can't be let loose in shops because I want to buy way too many things.
My good friends Jean & George came for a visit yesterday afternoon. I have known them for over 30 years and just really enjoy having revived our friendships.
Today, my eldest sister came for a visit with her youngest daughter and two granddaughters. Erna lives in Brisbane and I havn't seen her since our Mum's funeral four years ago. She's getting a bit older now........(of course I'm not!!) but still as bright and bubbly as always. Emma, my niece is such a sweet girl and her two little daughters are adorable. Madeline is two and Hannah is 5 weeks old. We're going to stay in touch more....she only lives about 7ks from here.
Poor Robyn Baker (my dear, dear friend) is still making a card each week to help me count the weeks...and because of the delay in treatment she is making way more cards than she first thought. She is so lovely and I so enjoy receiving her cards, as I do receiving everyone's. I have a huge collection of cards and drawings from my grandchildren and great-nieces. I am keeping them all!!!
I actually started some work on my journal. I have the first page almost done!!! I can't believe how much I've actually written to document this journey. And reading the first page going back to September 26th when I discovered a lump in my neck, was quite an emotional experience because I had forgotten how scared I was then. How confused I was....and now looking back with what I know has happened since then.......it's quite an experience.
I was really touched this week. A memorable week in our Federal Parliament with our newly elected Prime Minister say 'sorry' to the stolen generations of aboriginal children and families.
It made me think a lot about saying sorry, and if that apology is accepted or not.
I could see that all over Australia aboriginal people accepted the apologies with dignity and a great desire to now move forward.
It, unfortunately I guess, made me reflect on things that happened in my life last year. Some of which I am not proud of. However, I have apologised several times and in different ways.........and apart from one person....my apologies have never been accepted. It made me sad. Not sad to go back but sad that after many years I am not welcome anymore in a place that I really loved. And that I am only remembered for some mistakes I made and not for anything I may have contributed.
Anyhow......it was just something that I thought was an interesting parallel to draw.
Time to get dinner heated up.

Asking the question

I've been home from hospital a week now, and it has been a comfortable week. Got good report from the surgeon....he will finish off what else needs to be done to the abscess on my neck when I have finished chemo.

Have had some really lovely good wishes from friends and family. Flowers, cards, ice poles and little 'positive quotes' books. I am so blessed by all the friends I have. I never feel alone!!! As for my family......I can't say often enough how amazing they are. Especially the women.....I still call them girls but they are women. They help me constantly and I know that in time I will be able to 'pay it forward' and help others.

One of my friends own a business called 'cupcake corner' - she has an online store if you want to check it out. http://www.cupcake/ corner.com.au She makes the most gorgeous cupcakes. So when I was in hospital she left a box of 5 of these cakes at reception for me. With a very young family of 4 and another on the way it was a big effort for her to drive to Cabrini and drop in these cupcakes.

I have had a bit of fun this week.....feeling a bit more chirpy than I have over the past months. I bought myself a portable DVD player. It has a 10" screen which is great. Now when I feel lousy, and it's hard to do anything I can watch a DVD wherever I am. I am currently watching the first series of Prison Break. I never got in to that when it was first aired. Now I am loving it.

My girls have downloaded lots of episodes of the current Greys Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters and Desperate Housewives. Whatever has been aired in the US up to the screen writers strike, they have downloaded.

So, I have a lot of viewing to do. And will again have plenty of time to do it as I start chemo again this coming week.

I finally had the courage to ask my oncologist the big question. "If I had not started chemo, what would have been the outcome for me?"

I was stunned by his answer. He told me I would die within three to six months. the tumour in my neck is/was so aggressive.!!! But treatable!!!

This took quote a bit of processing. I'm glad I didn't know that from the beginning because I don't think I would have handled that knowledge very well then .....but that now more than half way through chemo I know I've made the right choice. And......I believe that I am actually looking more positively at the next five weeks. Bring it on!!!!

I actually had some fun in my scrapbook room.....I made 14 small 'thank you' cards. It took a while to get them all done.....all the same design just different colours. I even made small envelopes so I can post some.

Colin came in and said it was so nice to see me in there again.

10 days!

This is going to be really quick.
Thank you Dawn, Ange and Claire for your support - I love the balance ideas as well.
Unfortunately, I havn't had my Pet Scan or CT Scan yet!!!
Why not??? Because, I got very sick. On the Wednesday I started to feel unwell and by Thursday morning I was so sick I thought I was going to die. Vomitting, passing out, the works!!! (so all the tests were cancelled)
By the evening my temperature was 38.8c and I knew that I had to page my Oncologist. Who, when he rang sent me straight to Cabrini, Malvern.
After blood tests were done, I was admitted into the hospital via emergency. Put on a drip with IV antibiotics going in as well.
I also had what I thought was a large pimple, or boil on the back of my neck.
It turns out that through a hair follicle or mosquito bite a very bad bug entered my body. My white cell count ( white cells fight off infection) was Zero due to chemo....and couldn't fight the bug.
It turned out to be a staph bug and I developed septicaemia that poisoned my body. The 'thing' on my neck turned out to become an abscess the size of a walnut and a surgeon had to lance and drain that.
So, I have been in hospital for 10days!!!!!!! Feeling a bit better now........and still havn't had any of the tests. And.....chemo has been delayed untill next week, as long as I am well enough to restart. So, I still have 5 weeks of it to go!!!
My life has certainly not been balanced!!!
I can't wait until it gets to that point....in the future.

Balance

It's been a slightly less horrible week. No big dramas or tummy bugs thank goodness. Just the usual yuck and awful!
But.....I am now over halfway there!
Tomorrow I have my CT and PET Scans and I am being really confident that the results will be great!
5 more treatments to go all being well.
And as far as that goes everything is the same old same old. So, I now want to start focusing on some different things that I do actually think about from time to time. I mightn't put anything into practise just yet....but planning and thinking are a good way to start.
It's nearly one month into 2008 and all my focus has been on getting through this 12 weeks of chemotherapy and shaking off the cancer in my body.
This is a natural thing to be focusing on. However there is going to be a lot more of 2008 to live as well. Hopefully without too much of any major health issues coming my way.
So I began to think about Balance!
And many years ago I read a couple of books by a lady called Susan Jeffries. In one of them she had a great 'plan' for achieving balance in your life.
Basically consider my life is in a 9 block grid. Each grid is unique to me because my needs and priorities are mine alone. Once I've indentified what I would like to focus on it then becomes a matter of making sure that I invest time in each of these areas. It won't always be evenly spread. At different times one area will normally take precedent. However in order for this to work I can identify when I am not investing in one area and need to pick up the slack.
The big bonus is: that if something goes wrong in one area of my life.....the other 8 are still working strong and help bouy me up to cope with where a struggle may be. It means that my 'whole life isn't devistated'....it means that there is invested time and energy already in place.
I love this whole principle and so I am going to try and identify my 9 areas.
These are not in any order of priorities....just areas I want to balance or add for 2008
Health
Spirituality
Family
Education learn a new skill, hobbie
Fitness
Service helping people
Leisure
Employment
Relationships friendsfamily

So, now I need to look at each of these and set some goals, manageable ones that I can begin to invest some time in them.
Now I can see 2008 a little differently than I have been.
Now I don't see it as 'once I get past having treatment, once I get better'. I can do things NOW!

A few days feel like a week..!

What a week it's been! Actually it's only been a few days but it feels like a week!
Saturday my whole family went to a restuarant to celebrate Colins'60th birthday. It was so great, everyone came and we all had fun. The grandchildren loved it. Colin enjoyed himself and coped with the fact that they brought out a big cake with sparklers etc. and we all sang Happy Birthday to him. Some friends of ours were at the same place as well, and joined in the fun!
My only problem was that I got totally worn out and nearly collapsed.
I got everyone worried and concerned which I never intended to do because this was Colin's night.
I had a massive blood nose as well.......so the evening kind of ended on a bit of a downer. Daniel and Carolina followed us home to make sure I was OK. Everyone else rang or SMS'd through the evening.
We all realised, and me more than anyone how little energy I now have. I physically struggle to a whole lot, and mentally I'm a basket case!!!
So, now we all realise that I have a few more restrictions on my comings and goings. My goings will definetly not be with me behind the wheel of any vehicle. And, I have to accept that I need to allow my family to help me more than I thought I would need to.
My Oncologist told me that this fatigue would increase and make things very difficult for me.
Am I content to lie around and read and sleep??? It's difficult...but I do get up and clean one toilet, have a rest and clean the other one!!!! Not all day long of course...just daily! I still need to be able to do even some small things so that my whole day isn't without something productive in it.
Monday I met little Zachary Dymond!!!! I had big cuddles!!!! He is gorgeous. A real little snuggly baby. Thank you Grandma Robyn for bringing him over to visit. I so enjoyed seeing both of you.
And to Jean for popping in as well.
Today, we celebrated Sara's 28th birthday. My baby!!!!! The girls (except for Carolina and her children because Riley has chickenpox!) bought lunch from a Japanese restuarant and brought it over. The children all played so good and Sara enjoyed her pressies as well!!!
Tomorrow - more visitors booked in! A busy week.
My Pet Scan and CT Scans are booked in for Thursday next week! I'm a bit concerned because I have to fast from midnight....and I won't get out of there until after 1pm. What with already being a basket case mentally and physically I am not sure If I can cope with being there on my own (dropped off and picked up!!). Will have to talk to 'the girls' and see if anyone can come with me and actually stay with me. It's difficult because they all have their children home for the holidays.
So, I guess that in two weeks time i will know what my body has been up to with all the chemo. Is the cancer gone? Is it all gone???
I am grateful for living in this country. Thanks Mum and Dad for moving here!!!! We have such a wonderful health system and I am lucky to be able to benefit from the technologies and medications that have developed and are available. Even if they do make me feel like something the cat dragged in!
Better get some beauty sleep so I can be at my best for visitors tomorrow.

Treatment number 6!!!

Talked to Dr. Richardson today and he checked me out thoroughly. He thinks I 'may' have a tummy bug so has given me antibiotics. However the whole yucky thing can be the treatment. It is an aggressive treatment having it every week and does accumulate in my body. So, he has also given me a new anti-nausea tablet that is on a special government script. So, hopefully I will start to feel a bit brighter.
When I went to have my treatment I got isolated from everyone else in case I did have a bug of some kind.
So, lucky me got to hop on a bed.....and I slept through most of the whole thing.
Not that makes me feel all bright and chirpy because no matter how much or how little sleep I get I am always very, very tired. Part of the deal!!!
So, I have now had 6 treatments. Half way there...kind of. And number 6 card arrived from Robyn today. How clever is she?
In a couple of weeks I will be having a PET scan to see if there is any cancer still. Better not be!!!
If everything is good, then i finish the 12 weeks and then for two years once every two months I have a treatment.
I have never yet asked my doctor what would happen if I had opted to not have the treatment. How long would I have etc? I think I've been to scared to ask that question.
Maybe one day I will. I know he started treatment straight away and aggressively and hard so there was no mucking around.
My Uncle in Holland died from stage 3 lymphoma last year....I never knew that's what he died from. I emailed my cousin and she gave me all the details.
It's such an insiduous disease........you don't know you have it. It should be more painful in it's early stages.
I think I'm really venting a bit here!!!
Time to go and watch some TV and lighten up.

Its' a tough road

I was never intending to use my blog as reference to write my 'cancer journey'. I had big plans to write regularly about where I'm at etc. But that's been a lot harder than I imagined it would be. So, I'm glad that I've kept my blog pretty much up to date.
It's hard to feel like writing when you feel yuck!!!
This last week (week 5) has been pretty tough! I'm feeling more and more tired and just so nauseous all the time. Have to discuss this with my Oncologist today. I have tablets to take but have no idea how bad the nausea needs to be before I use them etc.
So, I havn't accomplished much of any note this week.
It's also hard to find anything I can eat. I can't cope with rich and sickly, creamy foods. Even icecream!!! I was able to eat low fat cheese, but all of a sudden that's not so appealing. It seems like dry bread rolls, fruit salad and icepoles at the moment. Great diet!!!!
I had an amazing and emotional day on Monday.
I have been reading some series of books given to me by a friend....and was enjoying them but she didn't have anymore.
So on to Ebay I went, and find 9 of them!!! And managed to buy them all for a song. So they arrived on Monday.
Plus a parcel from my niece Abigail who lives in Adelaide. She sent me an MP3 player!!! She included a letter that just blew me away and had me sobbing!!!! Her thoughtfulness and caring and the music she already uploaded on to it were all to help support and strengthen me!!!!
Then.......another niece, Stephanie who lives in Canada with her husband and new baby rang me!!! Her baby wasn't sleeping so she decided to call me. We chatted for about an hour!!! It was so much fun, and reminiscing over past Christmas' we used to share as families.
So, Monday I laughed and cried a lot!!!!
Andrea has been so amazing again. She organised all the girls to make a meal each because we were down to frozen dinners. She's taken me shopping for Sara's birthday....and cleaned the house.
Today she is picking me up for my treatment and it's going to be hot! hot! but she's OK about coming all that way.
Sara will pick me up and drop me off at home,l where I will immediately turn up the AC and crash!!!!!
So many friends have made meals, popped in to do ironing so thank you Noelene, Myra, Jean and of course my dear friend Robyn for sending me a card every week to help me count down the 12 weeks. Gorgeous hand made cards........and lovely cheerie emails. Also, Anita for always making me crack up at her comments and her emails.
Thank you to for Dawn and Jane for your encouraging comments....I do appreciate it heaps.
Time to brave the day.......!

From one year to the next.....!

My eldest son, Daniel.

My two beautiful daughters, Sara and Andrea with their Mum (me!)
The crazy, crazy Grandchildren getting stuck into their Christmas tucker.
We really missed Blakey. He was in Tassie with his dad.


Not sure why, but I didnt' get a picture with son number 2, Martin
Christmas has come and gone....New Years Eve has come and gone!!!! Every day is just flying past so quickly.
I had a great Christmas. We had 21 people at our home. All family.......and it was just the greatest.
I managed to stay awake, reasonably alert and happy all day. Well...untill about 7pm and then I crashed!
Andrea, Sahn and Orson stayed over on Christmas Eve so we had fun with them opening presents early in the morning.
All the food had been prepared and organised by the girls. I didn't have to do anything except be there!
Even got my camera out!!!
I got some great pressies. Seasons 1-3 of House, Pajamas, perfume and some books.
Boxing Day I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Literally! I was exhausted and spent most of the day sleeping and reading.
And then it was back to Cabrini in Malvern for my week 4 of chemo. So that took care of a few more days feeling yucky and awful.
And the weather.......my goodness how hot was it on New Years Eve???? We went to Martin and Tambi's and had a great time. Again I managed to hang in there with everyone. We played some board games and sang and just laughed a lot. It was heaps of fun!!!! Got home about 1:30pm so I did very well.
Today Colin and I went to the movies to see National Treasure 2. Absolutely loved it! We have the first one on DVD which we watched yesterday. I just love the character Riley. He just cracks me up!!! Probably cuz he reminds me of my grandson Riley....the absentmindedness and the 'i just don't get it!'
Tomorrow is Chemo number 5. Another hard one that knocks me out for six for the whole week pretty much.
Can't really eat and nothing tastes like it's supposed to anyway.
I'm getting used to not having hair. I mean.......I have the quickest showers!!! Dressed, and ready to go. No shampooh, no conditioner, no mousse, no hairdryer, no hairspray, no hair colouring, no hairdresser appointments. All pretty simple!
Have found a great website in the US for turban style head coverings that are really awesome and my sister is going to make me some.
I still havn't worn my wig. I like it....when it's on the stand. When I put it on me....it's a wig!!! I can't get past that mentally, and so I feel more comfortable with scarves.

Early tomorrow I am off to Southland with Sara to find a present for Colin. It's his 60th birthday on Monday!! He is getting old!

Three more Christmas Angels.......well it's hard to see if the third one is an angel. Grandchildren India by the tree, Isaac totally uninterested on the couch and curly top Mckenzie. These beautiful little ones came with their mum Tambi to visit today. They brought lunch and dinner for tonight. Thank you heaps!!!

Had my third round of Chemo yesterday and overnight....feel like a Zombie today....but a bit wired because of the steroids kicking in. I'm just hoping I don't get sick like last week.

In the shower today I lost about a baseball size wad of hair. Yucky! Tomorrow is looking good for the big shave. And...I think I'm OK about it.

Thank you Dawn for your encouragement and ideas all the time. I have found the oral drops from the Chemist you recommended are great...didn't bother getting the script from the Doctor filled at the Chemist.

It's getting closer and closer to Christmas Day......I think I'm more focused and into it this year than for ages.

Colin is hope until the 14th of january. He is just great. Helps with everything and anything and has been the best!!!!

Received Robyn B's 3rd card this week.....a Christmas Card of course!!! Thank you dear friend!

Time to try and eat a bit.

The Magic of Christmas

Just getting into the spirit of Christmas. It's such a magical time of the year. This week a few of the ten little grandchildren have been for a visit. Riley, Joshua and Harrison and Blakey and Sahn.
Of course they love all things Christmas so getting out the camera was no problem.
I love the cheeky look on Sahns face as she's attempting to denude the Christmas tree and gather herself some ornaments.
Christmas is a magic time. No matter what else is going on. It's a time to reflect on the reason for Christmas. Why we celebrate this very special occasion of the birth of The Saviour.
I love hearing the children talking about this and the respect and reverence they have.
Of course.......the presents kick in pretty quick too!!!!

Hair

What have I been up to this week? It seems like the days are just flying by. Which is good news at the moment.
Andrea came over with Blake and Sahn, to clean the house for me and then we went to do a bit of shopping for things for Christmas day.
I actually ventured out on my own as well. I had to go to Medicare...so many bills to get some money back from. So, I decided to drive to Southland way before anything opens so that a) I could get a car park and b)so that I could get into Medicare without having to wait in a huge line because I would probably pass out. 8:15am there I was.....a close car park spot and 45mts to use up. Well BigW was open.....so I bought some things there. then positioned myself on a bench outside Medicare and waited.........I was the 2nd one in there and on the way home by ten past nine.
When I came home a friend called around, and said she'd just popped in to do my ironing for me. How sweet. We chatted for a while and then she was gone. Thank you Noelene
Tonight another friend popped in with a meal for us. I have frozen it because we were OK for tonight....but it will come in handy later on. Thank you Cindy
Had a doctors visit, and then popped in to work. I won't be able to make the Christmas breakup on Friday so I left my Kris Kringle pressie there and some choccies for everyone. It was great, because Vickie had made a point of coming in to say Hi.....and she was just so great and encouraging.
Talked to me heaps about how I'm feeling about loosing my hair etc. It was good to look at that for a bit....not for too long...kinda got my head in the sand over that one.
THEN......this morning I wake up early. Sara and Monty are sleeping over as usual. I'm standing in the bathroom at 5am running my fingers through my hair and watching the pile of hair get thicker and thicker in the basin. Sara realised what was happening and jumped out of bed and hugged me.....we both just looked at the mess and laughed.
However, it's been a strange day with this happening. Something I can't now ignore.
So.....because I have such a great bunch of kids and grandkids we have planned a Haircutting Ceremony for Saturday.
My hair is going to shaved off. Martin's hair is going to be shaved off. Isaac's hair is going to be shaved off. Monty's hair is going to be shaved off. Orson's hair is going to be shaved off.
All in support of me! It's going to be a scrapbooking moment (when I get ready to revisit it one day down the future) with lots of photos.
I have a wig, I have caps, I have scarves I have hats.........I just won't have hair!
Tomorrow I am back in hospital.......3rd round of Chemo and an overnight stay at Cabrini Brighton.
I have felt good today.....energetic....getting things done. Tomorrow I have the full round of drugs so it will knock me out again. But..it's something I have to do with a positive attitude.
Better go and practise some interesting scarf tying.

Stuck in the BP Service Station!

I had my second round of treatment on Friday.......felt exhausted again when I got home. Which was pretty late actually. My treatment started at 10:30 and I didn't get home till 5pm so it was a long day.
It was good that last Wednesday I had a pickline put in my arm. No more looking for veins to give my treatment through. Just straight into the line that's permanently in my arm.
Didn't feel too bad Saturday, but then this morning......wow!!! Colin and I had to go out briefly and I needed to stop........! The nearest place was a BP Service station. I went in, asked for the key to the toilets....and half an hour later I was still there. I was soooo sick!!!! It was horrible! I thought I was going to have to crawl out to the car. Poor Colin didn't have a clue why I was taking so long.
That's the worst I've felt so far.
Now for the good things......my hair is still there. Although it has stopped growing. I don't have any re-growth coming through!
I have lost nearly 8kgs in weight since the whole hospital thing started early November. Don't recomment this as a good weight loss programm though!
Had a lovely email from our Church Womens Auxilliary (Relief Society) to say that once a week for the length of my treatment one of our dear members will drop off a meal to help out.
So, between family and friends I am getting so much support and help. I feel truelly blessed.
Had some lovely cards from friends during the week. Thank you Claire, Sue & Peter and Maureen and Derek.
Tonight we had a family dessert night.
Blakey is going to Tasmania on Tuesday and won't be with us for Christmas....so he got his presents from the family tonight.
I just love seeing all the family together, and all the joviality and fun that comes with it. It's the best medicine!!!
The older ones are asking me when my hair is coming out. They tell me that I will be getting nothing but wigs for Christmas!!!! Nothing like the children to keep things normal.

One week down......!

A big big congratulations to Hayley........a new baby boy!!!! A little brother for Sebastian.....Zachary.
Grandmother Robyn was very excited last night!!!
I also want to thank Robyn for your sweet cards. Sending one each week to help me count down the 12 weeks is such a beautiful gesture. And I love the sentiments you put in as well. You are a great friend!
It's been a real learning curve with my first week nearly done.
Learning what all the 'home medications' are for. Which ones make me feel OK, and which ones don't.
How to use my days well and still be kind to myself.
Driving is a real problem. My brain is so foggy.......! And as for shopping, well forget it! I went to Parkmore with Andrea on Monday and ended up giving her my shopping list and just following behind. She was even worried she might loose me and have to send out SOS signals!!!
A big thank you to my girls for helping me.......I hope that they continue their enthusiasm for next 11 weeks.
Andrea has driven me all over the place for appointments. Dragging little Sahnie around who has been getting grumpier by the day. Can't blame her!!!
Tambi making a meal that lasts for two nights.....and visiting with India and McKenzie.
Sara for sleeping over two nights and bringing Monty (although this is a normal routine, it just means more) and chatting and laughing. Especially when I'm wandering around the house at 5am eating a banana!!! Well, I was hungry!
Carolina for your encouraging phone calls and listening ears when I was feeling a bit emotional.
My boys too, of course. Daniel calling at 10pm to ask me how I'm feeling!!!
Martin is in Brisbane this week for a big Motorola presentation he has to do, so havn't heard too much.
And....Colin. He has been a real strength and encouragement. I think it's only just hitting him what this is all about so it's been hard for him too.
I'm feeling a bit churpy because it's the end of the chemo week, and the effects of the drugs are much less. Then comes tomorrow and I'll be trying to deal with the chemical blast again!!!
I've finished all Christmas projects.......so now I'll be able to seriously work on my journal and anything else I feel like doing.
And....this is a ridiculous time in the morning to be writing on my blog.....so I'm going back to bed!!!

Yuck and Awful

The whole chemo thing is very overwhelming. 24hrs in the hospital and a continual stream of drugs going into my body.

• Then there's the extra tablets that you have to take
• And the box full of different stuff to take home to take untill next week
• The injection in my tummy just before going home.

The staff are amazing and the other patients are all sweet and perpy and lovely. I was just overwhelmed. By the second day I slept through most of my session.

Coming home.....well it's good!! I feel yuck although you get so much stuff now to stop you throwing up which is good. I feel very tired, all the time.

So, I push myself through that a bit. Had a 30mt walk this morning, did some ironing and a bit of tidying up. Then a rest.....then a bit of work on some Christmas projects and now I've had it again.

Had fun with my wig yesterday. I arrived on Friday and there was no way I was going to open it. Of course when Sara came around with Monty she wasn't going to waste any time and before long Monty was modelling it, then Sara and then it was my turn. That wasn't quite as much fun.

But....I think we made a good choice. If not, bad luck because that's what I'll be wearing. Although I'm liking the idea of scarves more I think.

Well, that's my post for now.

And It Starts.................

Had an interesting day today. My GP has the report from my PET Scan and rang and asked me if a colonoscopy has been arranged.'No.' was my reply. 'Why?' was my question.
Well in my large bowel is a growth about 2cm it may be innocent, but it may not be and needs to be investigated straight away.
'I'm starting Chemo tomorrow won't that kill of anything there as well?'
No.......that would need surgery and ray treatment.
'Go away!' was my reply.
So, now he's emailing my Oncologist to find out what is happening in regards to this.
Honestly..........I feel like I'm punch drunk.
Went to Cabrini Brighton Oncology for an information interview with the head oncology nurse. She is so lovely. Didn't like all the stuff she told me. Like, arrange a wig immediately!!! You're going to be on steroids as well as about 50 other drugs. I don't want to put on weight....I want to loose weight. Not just hair!!!
It is all very overwhelming. Also I have the worst veins and will have to go to Cabrini Malvern next week to have a permanent port put in. They'll manage for tomorrow (yikes...is it really starting tomorrow??) but definetly will have trouble after one week.
Have all this stuff to read about the side effects and the things to ring the doctor about in the middle of the night, if they happen.
I don't think I'll get to sleep if I start reading all of that.
Came home to a huge bunch of flowers from two lovely young mums (sisters, Elizabeth and Amy) and a phone message from a florist to say she has to deliver flowers and it will be after 7pm.
I am so looked after by friends and family.
Thank you too Jane and Claire for your encouraging messages. It sure helps a lot and I appreciate it very much.
Time to sign off..........You'd think nothing else was happening in my life at the moment wouldn't you? Like my two daughters fighting over who is going to take me to the hospital tomorrow. Hey girls, there's going to be 12 weeks of this! And daughter Andrea coming over unexpected and cleaning my whole house. What darlings I have raised.

Moving Goalposts

The goalposts have moved, again. Everytime I see a Doctor I get new news. And....it's never an improvement on the first lot.
Today I had my appointment with my Oncologist. He had the results of my bone marrow biopsy and PET Scan.
Fortunately there is no cancer in my bone marrow. Which is the biggest relief, because the prognosis for that would not be good.
However, in my lymphatic system it is not confined to just my neck. I have the cancer in three different groups of lymph nodes.
I was again just blown away by this news. I have had the hardest time over the past 4 and a half weeks. With the unexpected cancer diagnosis, with the anaphylaxis shock, and now the cancer being worse than first thought. It's not easy dealing with all this. And the waiting. Since September I have been on a treadmill of good news and bad news and tests and more tests. It's exhausting.
Well, the fact that this is now Stage 3 cancer means the treatment is going to be tough. I start this week. Will be kept in hospital overnight just to see how I cope. I will be given a cocktail of about 5 drugs.
That's going to be my life for the next 12 weeks at least. I will be loosing my hair which I can't come to terms with yet. In fact I'm really trying not to think about that at the moment.
So, Christmas is going to be tough this year. I won't have the energy to be the star of the party. I will have to leave that up to all the little people.
I have had this cancer for 2 years. Two years ago I was in hospital with pneumonia and it's quite possible that it was from that virus, the cancer started.
It explains so much. The fatigue and tiredness that I struggled with and pushed through over that time. I never felt that I really recovered properly and would easily succomb to colds and flu bugs around.
Why it was hard for me at work and coping with a lot of things that happened to our family this year.
It all makes so much sense.
My job is still going to be there for me when I finish treatment, when I'm ready to take on a bit of work. I don't think I will work as much as I was, and maybe not at all. But it's so nice that I am appreciated for the work I have done there, and for how quickly I learned 'the ropes' in my new job.
I told Monty tonight that I need to get some medicine to take the lump away in my neck. That this medicine is going to mean that my hair will fall out and I will go bald. Well, the expression on his face was priceless and then he cracked up laughing. I've never seen a bald grandmother before!!!
The little grandchildren are going to be such a help for me. Things will stay in perspective and life will certainly have lots of funny moments.
Now, do I buy a wig? Is it going to be too hot to wear one anyway? Do I enjoy wearing pretty scarves? Maybe my sister can make me some cute hats to wear.
Never thought I would have to make decisions like this.
It's been another big day and I need to sleep.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

PETs

I had the famous PET scan today. I thought I needed to take my kittens with me considering it had to do with pets!!!
Seriously, it all went fine. A much better deal than the bone marrow biopsy. Just the usual trouble with finding veins to pop needles and other stuff in to me.
So today I am a bit nuclear - because they had to inject me with some stuff that's radio-active.
Better not light a match!!
It's getting a long long drawn out thing. The tests and the waiting.
On monday I see Prof.Richardson and will then get a good picture of the treatment plan. I havn't been thinking about it all too much because I am not going to get worried about side-affects etc., untill I know exactly what I am facing.
I have worked two shifts this week, and will work again tomorrow. That has helped me so much.
Colin has been home since Thursday, when he had an operation on his eyelid. He has been a good patient, although his eye isn't comfortable. He goes back to his specialist on Monday too.
What a pair we are at the moment.
He has been so good. Vacuming, ironing, dusting even. He gets a bit 'stir crazy' being home all the time, so he asked me for a list of jobs to do. I wasn't going to argue with that!!
I still get tired easily. This is probably a combination of having non-Hodgkins lymphoma as well as the stress my body went through with the anaphalaxis. It's only been 3 weeks after all.
Actually, nearly four weeks now.
I have been having fun making some Christmas presents. They are actually something Jodie made at Scraptacular last year with the Collections tile kits. I'm making one for each of my children and their families.
I also made a clock for Tambi for her birthday. So I'm going to show that off with a photo of it on my blog when I can find it on my puter. Just had a look everywhere and I can't remember where I put it, or what I called the folder.
Ahh....senior moments!!!!
Going to do some work now!

A mixed bag..

I am really amazed at the lovely encouraging comments left on my blog by some very special ladies.
Dawn I so appreciate what you have written.
I to have been printing from my blog because that's the only place I have recorded what's been going on.
I to have become exhausted calling all my children and my sisters and friends each time I have an appointment or a test.
We have decided to have one nominated person that I call and they call the others. And so on. Because it really it far too much for me to cope with going over and over the same scenario.
I really appreciate the quotes you left for me. I am only at the early stages of this whole cancer journey but have already learnt so much that I know I wouldn't have if I wasn't here.
Yesterday was my bone marrow biopsy. Yikes that hurt...and still does.
I have been so blessed with gorgeous children. Sara who took me to the hospital for the test and stayed with me, drove me home, looked after me.
Andrea who has spent the morning with me today, doing the washing and some shopping. The love we all feel within our family just seems to be more acute since they had to deal with almost loosing me, and I have to deal with the cancer.
There's just so much to be grateful for, scared of and unsure of.

No More....

Claire, thank you!
Yesterday was a very difficult day for me.
A visit to an Oncologist! I never thought I would go through all the gammut of emotions that I did. It was probably the most stressful thing I have ever had to do.
However, in my mind I was confident that my test results all show that the cancer is isolated to one area.
That is what everyone thought, that is! The Oncologist is not sure. So I have to go for a PET Scan and A Bone Marrow Biopsy.
It just seems to keep on getting harder and harder.
And I've decided that although I do want to record where this is all taking me and my feelings etc., I don't want to do this on-line. It's not going to be something i want anyone other than my family to read anyway - and that will probably be in a long time from now.
I have decided that keeping an on-line diary isn't what I want to do at the moment. At least not about the challenges I am facing.
I have a beautiful new journal and I am going to use that.
From time to time I will buzz by my on-line blog for 'general life's journey' things.
Thanks girls for your encouragement!!!

Counting my Blessings - Positively!

Ange, Alison and Jane.......thank you so much for the lovely messages. Great to read, and great to get a positive message.
Tomorrow is the big day to get the low down on whatever treatment I'm going to need.
In the meantime I have been trying to keep busy.
Although I don't have much energy I am planning......and when I do that the internet is a bit of a temptation for me.
Firstly I bought a Cricut cartridge on E-bay. The Christmas Cheer one, of course! And I only paid $111.00 for it an absolute bargain! Can't wait to get it!
Then I contacted a sweet lady who I know sells Stampin Up and she's dropping by a catalogue so I can choose a Christmas Set.
Yep.....going to start making Christmas cards! And some great off the page stuff I saw around as well.
Hoping that energy returns a bit though!!!!!!!!
Then I've got lots of other bits and pieces to make for presents.
Nope, I am not going to get bored and I'm not going to get depressed or feeling sorry for myself.
I'm alive.......I don't have any long-term after affects from the anaphalactyc thing.
The anaesthetist called me at home yesterday. Apparently they did some blood tests and for allergies the upper level of normal figure is 13 - mine was 63! So........my acute reaction was a real big whammie. He is also amazed I didn't have a stroke, or renal failure. How blessed I am.
He's actually presenting my case tonight for his colleagues. Should be interesting - not!
Well, I've also been looking around at the gorgeous new Urban Lilly Journal. I thought this would be a great little thing to own so I can journal about all this experience and what's ahead.
Not as a scrapbooking album but just a personal one, with some little scrapbook touches to it.
Uhmmmm.....I know my job is waiting for me, but I'm spending like I've worked an 80hr week!!!
Better hit the brakes!!!
Time to turn the computer OFF

Unshakable Faith

Girls, thanks for your supportive comments. I am not sure who anonymous #2 is, and Linda you are sweet.
I have an unshakable faith in a loving Father in Heaven and his purpose and plan for me is his alone to decide and guide me towards.
He is a forgiving and loving God and he knows the follies of us in our mortality. Everyone of us!!!!
I know this without any doubt at all.
I am not going to qualify comments left on my blog by referring to them.
Today I have been inundated with phone calls from good friends, visits from my children and grandchildren and happy and supportive emails.
How truelly blessed I am!

Almost There....

About a month and a half ago I wrote on my blog here that I had a lump in my neck. I wrote about the subsequent tests etc and that everything turned out fine.
Well, from that i was sent to a surgeon for cosmetic purposes.
And everything began to unravel from there.
Firstly this surgeon straight away told me he was pretty sure I have Hodgkins Lymphoma and the lump needed to be operated on immediately - in four days time to be exact.
This was a huge shock for me. Having been told that I was clear of any 'cancer' link. I was shaking and in tears.
On friday november 2nd I reported for duty at Cabrini Hospital, Brighton to have my surgery in the afternoon.
I get pretty scared of aneasthetics so I was given a pre-med and 10mts later wheeled in to the operating room.
I remember the usual things of being transfered to the operating table. The anaesthetist looking for suitable veins to administer drugs. A mask on my face and off to sleep......................zzzzzzzz!
When I began to recognise sounds around me, I was a bit bewildered. I began to sense that something was different.
Firstly, I had a breathing tube down my throat which I kept gagging on. My hands were tied to the railings of the bed (apparently I tried to pull out the tube!) and conversations that I picked up bits and pieces from didn't make sense.
So what had happened????
Within a minute of going to sleep I had an anaphalactyx allergic reaction to one of three drugs that I was given. (Don't know which yet)
I had no pulse, I stopped breathing. So, I was intubated and massive amounts of adrenaline given to me.
It took an hour to stabilise me enough to transport me via the MICA Ambulance, with the aneasthetist accompanying me to Cabrini Malvern and in to Intensive Care there.
And that's where I began to wake up.
My operation hadn't been done because I had basically died on them.
I will forever be grateful to two amazing men and their staff. Dr. Peter Gregory and Dr. Rod Taylor. Rod Taylor was the aneasthetist who saved my life. Who stayed with me to Intensive Care and was there again first thing in the morning. As was Peter Gregory.
My poor family!!!! they had all sat with me during the night untill they were told I was going to make it and then returned at the crack of dawn. Rod Taylor took them all aside and explained everything that had happened and gave them the opportunities to ask questions.
Meanwhile the staff in Intensive Care had been kept very busy keeping me alive during the night.
Once I came to and things were slowly coming together for me it was the most surreal experience. If I had died I would not have even known I was in such a critical condition. I didn't know any of this had happened.
The next big task was to organise a new surgeon and anaeasthetist to do the surgery, which couldn't be delayed.
Peter Gregory called on his workmate and he in turn called in a specialist aneasthetist and between them all assurred me that they would keep me safe.
So, surgery was scheduled on Monday. It did go OK, and they did keep me safe. I am so grateful to these wonderful people who have had the biggest affect on my life.
Although he didn't do the actual surgery, Peter Gregory has stayed in touch with Colin and with myself almost daily.
This kind of experience really shakes the doctors involved and although if they had to they would operate on me again, but prefer not to. Understandably.
I was so protected, watched over and felt so loved by my family, friends and everyone involved.
I had personal experiences that will stay with me forever.
The pathology result is not what I wanted to hear. I do have cancer in the lymphatic system. It doesn't appear to be anywhere else but in my neck and will require treatment.
Next week I see an oncologist.
I never pictured myself dealing with Cancer. I have never pictured myself looking at the ravages of the treatment on my body. I have never wondered how I might cope if given this kind of news.
Here I am looking straight at it. I am still very affected emotionally and mentally by the past 10 days. However, I feel a strength within myself that I can do this.
Of course I havn't started anything yet and won't know how I'm going to feel.........soon that will be a reality and I may see things very different.
I was almost there...........I was almost gone from this earthly life. But...my life was saved for a reason, for a purpose. I know that without a doubt. What that is will come my way when it's time.
My family both close and extended, both here inVictoria, around Australia, in the US and Europe have all sent their love and prayers to me and I have felt that so strongly.
I am so grateful for my faith, for my knowledge in Jesus Christ as my Saviour. I was given a comfort that only He can!
Now I see so much of what I didn't see before. The things that matter, and the things that don't. The things to invest emotion, time and energy to, and the things to let go.
It has been traumatic, but yet a blessing at the same time.
That's it for now.

Close to the surface......

Just had a lovely time with Martin (son) and Tambi and the kids. We went for a long walk, and the kids rode their bikes.
That's such a nice part of living where we do. We have lots of bike paths and places for the little ones to ride safely.
Then we had taco's and 'stuff' for dinner together.
Tambi had made a chocolate cake and I had made a whipped sort of dessert - all very yummy.
McKenzie (2.5yrs) was so funny. She had eaten plenty and there she was with this chocolate cake sitting right in front of her.
She lowered her head and stuck out her tongue and took a huge 'lick' from the icing of the cake.
It was sooooo funny. Except that her daddy growled at her and made her cry.
She was sooo cute. Tears and chocolate cake all over her face.
What a sweetie.
Just had a lovely email from Wendy who has been so supportive and a good friend to me through tuff times.
She has also experienced some of the same tuff things in her bid to support me and express her own feelings.
Sometimes you just wonder how things get to where they do.
Going over past stuff just brings all that horrible emotion back. It's still so close to the surface.
Just a wrong choice here, or there and you're somewhere where you never intended to go.
And lots of times I still have a big question. What did I do, exactly. Because I've never had it explained to me.
Oh well.......some questions are just going to remain a mystery....and life will continue on without the answers.
Time to go and watch some TV, relax and get my head straightened out again.

This week has been unremarkable, except that I had another birthday.
Doesn't seem so long ago since the last one!!!!!!!!!
I was very spoiled both by family and very unexpectedly by my new employers.
It's nice to feel accepted and that I fit in at my new job. I am meeting some really interesting people as they come in for treatment. Some people have such difficult lives and it makes me so aware that I am truelly blessed.
I worked extra hours this week as Narelle had some days off. So today, my day off I had a big nanna-nap.
I did work on a double birthday layout for a while but the desire and need for a sleep overcame the desire to scrapbook.
On Monday I go and see the neck surgeon/specialist about the big lymphnode lump that is still very evident in my neck.
I'm a bit nervous as I don't do well with the thought of surgery. I'm also still nervous with thoughts at the back of my mind asking questions as to why this lymphnode is still so enlarged and what is it reacting to. Even though biopsy tests indicate nothing sinister - I am looking forward to hearing what this specialist has to say about it.
Another busy weekend with Martin and Tambi and the kids coming over for dinner and an early bike-ride before eating.
Sunday is family dinner and I am making dessert.
I decided to look through these little Womens Weekly Menu Planner books I have owned for about 20yrs now.
They brought back memories of many meals we've had way before our kids were grown up. So for the first time in many years I have made a meal plan for the coming week. Something I used to do every week. Takes the guess work out of what to eat each day, and what to buy each week.
So, for dessert tomorrow night (after we eat taco's) I am going to make Flummery. My kids loved it - so now I'm going to introduce the grand-kids to it.
Think I'll be in the kitchen a bit more than usual tomorrow.

Enjoying the moment........

Again another busy week and weekend has passed.

Busy with working, busy with family, busy scrapbooking.

I have had a lovely weekend. My weekend always starts on a Friday which is lots of fun. I met Sarah (youngest daughter) at Southland and we shopped and browsed and enjoyed spending some rare time together.

Saturday was Monty's birthday party. Which was all go from the start. It was at Springers and they organise kids parties there. A lovely young man helped the kids play basketball games, soccer games and t-ball. It was heaps of fun for them all.

I am glad there isn't a party this week!!! Although, I could organise one, seeing as how it's my birthday next monday. But.....I think I'll pass on that idea.

The weekends seem to be more exhausting than the working week at the moment. I'm looking forward to maybe going to see a movie or something next weekend.

I think I've missed all the movies that I had wanted to see. Although The Kingdom looks good because I am a Jennifer Garner fan. Ex Alias etc.

I had some real relaxing fun doing a few scrapbook pages. Some new ones to put in the frames I have hanging all around my home.

One of Sahnie at her birthday party and one of India at Sahns party.

They are scraplifted, but I have no idea where from.

Sometimes I just browse around all different sites and print off layouts I like. Then later I forget where I got them from.

So, if they look familiar and you think they may be yours..........please know that I enjoyed copying them and am really happy with the results.

I am really enjoying being able to scrapbook however I want. After so many years of preparing classes and needing to think differently about planning layouts it's nice and relaxing to work with my photos in whatever way I feel at the time. Which often means just copying a basic design I like and then adding my own touch.

After a 10.5hr day it's time to relax and watch a bit of TV. I'm always glad when Monday is behind me because that's my longest day every week.

I got a nice complement at work today. I'm now part of the furniture. Although I know I am on a 3month trial it's nice to know that I am fitting in and doing the job well.

Pretty 2yr old

This is my beautiful little grandaughter Sahn at her 2nd birthday party. She wasn't too fussed about a lot of the games but she sure did love the chalk drawing on the balcony.
Sahnie I love your hair in the two little pig tails. You are such an adorable and cute little girl.
Despite the fact that you have some development delays you are changing all the time.
I see you expressing yourself differently and just getting a grasp on things at a much faster rate than you used to.
You love to keep up with the older kids and that's great because you learn to copy what they do. Even the naughtie stuff!!
Our third birthday party in a row this week - it was such a beautiful day that the children could play all the games outside.
they particularly loved the game of tying balloons to your ankles and whilst attempting to protect your own try to pop some one else's.
Andrea made a gorgeos cake for Sahnie. Really pretty. Pink and bows and flowers etc. Nice to see after having so many 'boys' birthday cakes around. I even got some scrapbooking done this weekend. A layout of Isaacs birthday and nearly finished one of India's birthday. Just ran out of time. At work today all the staff got their specially scanned for, orthotics. Pretty special working at a place where you get something worth about $300 for nothing. Especially when I've only been there for 6 weeks.
And mine are really comfortable too.
Off to Medicare today to claim some of those 'big' pathology/radiology bills. And then buy some new photopaper. I bought a pack of 50 last week and used them all!!! Mainly printing photos for the family. Because I usually am the only person taking photos I thought I'd share a few.
Time to go and dry my hair - it's drying by itself at the moment and that's not going to be a good look.

Just had to come back for a minute

I keep forgetting I wanted to post a couple of photos on my blog from Friday of last week.

Our weather has been really nice, but Friday last week we had this huge hail storm.

One of those ones that comes with furious wind and last about 10mts max.

I had to rush out and take some photos of course, because I could see a layout happening right before my eyes.

The funny thing was our little kittens. We opened the family room door, and called them. Both of them kept running up to us, but then kept running straight back into the garden and getting drenched. The poor little things didn't know what to do. The sound on the patio roof was so loud that they were just scared out of their wits.

When I did get them in I had to wrap them both up in towels to dry them off.

Fortunately they both recovered well from their exciting afternoon.